


To learn your scars, one by one

by FreakCityPrincess



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Cassian hanging back and reflecting on how beautiful Jyn is, F/M, Jyn Erso Appreciation Week, K-2SaltDroid, Scars, Taking a break during a mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-13 22:59:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14757911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakCityPrincess/pseuds/FreakCityPrincess
Summary: A thick white gash was scraped onto the back of one shoulder. A shrinking, angry keloid zapped across the other shoulder blade. A burn mark the size of two handprints dragged down from mid-back to hip, disappearing below the rim of her pants.Jyn looked over her shoulder just in time to catch him staring.





	To learn your scars, one by one

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really late to board this train and I haven't really been keeping up with the prompts for Jyn Week, but I hope this piece- prompt: "Scars"- will make up for it!

Meikk V was part of a colony of planets scattered haphazardly around the Tartarus Belt, framing one piece of the boundary between Mid-Rim and Outer-Rim space. Six out of fifteen similarly placed planets were claimed under the flag of the Imperial Navy, some serving as sparsely populated strategy centers and others as heavily guarded gateway worlds. The threat here wasn't rebels, though. It was pirates. The rebellion hadn't stretched this far yet, and there was no guarantee it would because these worlds were of no strategic importance to an army with limited resources.

With a few exceptions. 

Thale Marr was an Alliance agent sent under deep cover as an engineer for that branch of the Navy, with the sole objective of finding out if any worthwhile intel _could be_ scavenged from this installation. Engineers were common, and her cover had held, but after six months running menial tasks for the Empire and gaining little out of it, she was ready to come home. Marr had no knowledge of where the new rebel Base was so someone had to be sent to pick her up. The extraction had gone off without a hitch, albeit with no small degree of difficulty, and the team and their recovered asset now hid out on the faraway planet, waiting for the Empire to move two cruisers far enough out of range so they could lift their ship off the ground. 

The cabin was in low-power mode, brightness reduced to a minimum, K-2SO's eyes standing out in the dark from where he'd plugged into the ship's console. Thale had long since retired to the cargo hold to catch some shuteye before what would certainly be an excruciating navigation process through tight Imperial space. The droid only looked over his shoulder at the sound of footsteps in the lobby. 

"We're heading out for about an hour," Cassian informed him without really looking his way as he slipped into his jacket. Near the open hatch, Jyn was strapping a blaster to her side. "Comm if you notice any change. I'm leaving a tracking beacon in here if we need to find our way back."

If Kay could've narrowed his eyes, he probably would have. "There is an 87.3% chance that we won't be able to lift off before tomorrow morning. Where are you going?"

"Check the perimeter, breathe some fresh air," Cassian shrugged, actually facing him this time. "We'll be back within an hour, Kay."

The droid made a disapproving whirring noise. Where had he learned to do that? "There is a 30% chance you will encounter danger of some sort if you veer too far from the cover here."

Jyn finally looked up, a smirk playing on her lips. "That's what the blasters are for, target-practice."

"Jyn," said Cassian, but it sounded more like he was trying to sound chiding than actually concerned. 

Still, she got the desired rise out of Kay. "You're leaving the only bit of forest cover we previously scouted? I don't understand how you can know the probability of danger and choose to walk right into it anyway. Cassian, tell me you aren't going with her."

"We're not leaving the area," Cassian sighed, but even in the dark Kay could see the uptick of his lips in a barely-there smile. "But if we are not back in three hours at the most and I fail to answer your calls, inform Thale and come looking for us."

"Such a perimeter check is not even necessary when the ship is this well equipped with scanners," remarked the droid petulantly. "I predict an 82% chance your expedition will not be productive."

Jyn rolled her eyes, zipped up her jacket and treated him to an obscene hand gesture she'd picked up from a sparring partner on the way out.

"At least I'm not stuck in a shuttle staring at the dash!" she called, unseen, an undertone of laughter in her voice.

K-2SO looked at Cassian in that pointed way unique to his programming.

"You need to stop giving Jyn Erso whatever she asks for."

Cassian snorted, but didn't comment as he followed her path into the night. 

###### 

The small planet was covered in forest, thick in some places and wilting in others, with some native species that curled like tendrils against the sky. The ground smelled of bark and damp soil, shadows cast everywhere by the light of two moons. Insects chirped, hollered and buzzed from under the gnarled roots of thick trees and bird calls resonated from one end of the forest to another. The air was cool and tasted sweet, mingled with the scent of various fruits and flora. It might have been a little overbearing, but was infinitely preferable to the frozen air of Hoth. 

Jyn lead the way, blaster clipped to her belt and binary beacon blinking against the skin of her enclosed palm. She cut a confident path through the undergrowth, and if he didn't know better he would believe she knew where she was going. But she didn't, didn't have to, because Kay had been right when he insisted that an on-foot perimeter check was wholly unnecessary. As it were, the extraction had proven tough -not bloody, it was quite smooth in that regard, but tough- and they were both exhausted to the bone because there hadn't been a break between this and the last mission, either. Prolonged periods in hyperspace after a rush of adrenalin on the field, repeatedly, had to be driving her stir-crazy. He had more patience, more experience with it, but he identified with the feeling all too well.

His gaze drifted in the different directions of forest, just in case, and on the path ahead, and on her lithe figure made bulky by a jacket and hidden weapons as they progressed. She occasionally looked over her shoulder to see how he was following, and smiled slightly whenever their eyes met, but she mostly paid attention to the environment, cautious and searching. 

Sometimes, the moonlight glazed over her face, and it would highlight her cheeks and eyes in the dark.

Sometimes she'd bring a gloved hand up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

Jyn stopped abruptly at one point, eyes narrowing as if she'd sensed danger. This was all it took for his to get into his own defensive stance, blaster in hand and outstretched, eyes scanning. 

She reached out to touch his hand that held the blaster. "Clear," she assured him, and he pulled back a little, but he wasn't going to let his guard down yet. 

Jyn took a left turn and carefully made forward. He followed close behind, ready to fire at a moment's notice. The thick of floral growth gave way to a clearing. 

She let out a shuddering breath, in awe and relief.

There was a misshapen lake- no, a natural pool- in the middle of the clearing, neatly framed by big boulders and red, violet, yellow flowers. The different depths of the pool was apparent in the different hues it took on; the rim was light blue, the inner circle a thicker colour and the innermost level dark and foreboding. The other circles looked calm and hospitable. 

Jyn turned to him just as he put the blaster away. "How much longer do we have?" 

He didn't need to check his chrono to provide an answer.

"Thirty minutes before the hour is up. A hundred and fifty before Kay comes looking for us."

It was brighter here, without the shadows of trees, and he could discern the grin that split her face with extreme clarity. 

It took every bit of his willpower not to look disbelieving. "You can't be serious."

Jyn only took the final step into the clearing and shrugged good-naturedly. "To be fair, our research of this planet didn't mention deadly organic-swallowing water bodies."

Of course. He remembered that report. 

"Instead it mentioned..."

"Healing waters," Jyn knelt by a gap opening into the pool. "Medicinal properties, somewhat equivalent to bacta. The Empire only makes use of the ones on the planet their installation is built on. They haven't touched these parts yet."

_They will, soon. And the Empire kills everything it touches._

Cassian decided to play oblivious, make it that much more difficult for her to get what she was hinting at. "We could tell Inventory about it. Maybe it's a resource the rebellion could put to good use."

Jyn's eyes softened for a moment, her shoulders hunched a little. "Maybe. It'll save lives if it substitutes bacta."

"Let's take a sample back to the ship. We have thirty minutes."

"A hundred and fifty," Jyn corrected. 

"That's in the case of an emergency." He didn't step further into the clearing, any closer to the pool. Didn't look interested in hanging around. "We need to turn back as soon as we're done here. Factor in the time to get back."

She turned around to face him, still down on one knee. "Cassian."

"Yes?"

Jyn gestured at the water irately. "I need a break."

He bit back a grin. "We _are_ taking a break."

Her eyes narrowed in challenge. "There aren't exactly any hot tubs in Echo Base."

He looked sympathetic. "Pity."

"Holy Force..."

"Is there a problem?"

"Stop toying with me."

He shook his head. "I don't see what you're getting at."

Jyn stood abruptly, groaning in frustration. He kept his mask of confusion on without reacting to the sound that- stupidly- sent a sharp stab of something else entirely up his spine.

_For the love of your dead ancestors, Andor._

Jyn turned her back to him. "Can't take a sample back to the Alliance without being sure it works first."

"Good logic," commented Cassian, raising an eyebrow even though she couldn't see it. "What do you propose?"

"And it's too tempting," Jyn said by way of excuse, already in the process of stripping down to her undershirt. "I haven't seen a sonic in days."

If Jyn wasn't taking off her layers right before his eyes, he would've snorted at how the diminutive woman always got her way, however brash her methods.

But that was ridiculous, because they changed clothes in a shared space all the time. True, it was always the quick transition in the middle of a running mission, but it wasn't something he hadn't seen before. 

Not like this. 

He never looked, normally. Didn't have the time to, didn't want to. She deserved every bit of privacy that was possible for him to give in those moments, and he always kept his gaze averted for the split second it took for her to pull on a new shirt even if there was only a handspan's distance between them.

Which was probably what she thought he was doing now, but he couldn't bring himself to look away. 

Because when Jyn's undershirt came off, his eyes transfixed on her back, on the muscles that rolled with the movement of her arms, the taut line of her shoulders, the column of her neck...and the scars that littered her skin, faded, prominent or raw. 

A thick white gash was scraped onto the back of one shoulder. A shrinking, angry celluloid zapped across the other shoulder blade. A burn mark the size of two handprints dragged down from mid-back to hip, disappearing below the rim of her pants.

Jyn looked over her shoulder just in time to catch him staring. 

It was only then he blinked, and shook his head in apology. "Sorry. I wasn't-wasn't expecting that. I'm sorry."

She didn't scowl, didn't look incensed. Instead she raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical. 

"You weren't expecting scars?"

"What?" Oh. _Oh._ He felt like slapping himself. "No, that's not what I-I wasn't expecting you to, um." He could feel his face heating up, painfully prominent. What could he say? Strip? Take her shirt off? Take it off in front of him? Instead he gestured weakly, hoping that she couldn't tell how flustered he was. Which was highly unlikely, of course, seeing as he'd come to a stop a while ago and was still searching for words. 

It took a moment for it to dawn on her. 

"Oh."

"Sorry," he said again, glad his voice managed to come out steady. 

Jyn craned her neck awkwardly, still facing away from him. "Well. Back to my earlier point. Someone needs to test these waters."

"You just want a break." He was back to sounding (and hopefully looking) normal now. He needed to recover the causal air between them, before things got any worse.

The barest of smiles tugged on her lips. "What do you mean? This is for the good of the rebellion."

He smiled back. "You can tell that to Kay when we're an hour behind the promised time."

Jyn laughed, and it was an almost carefree sound, real and warm, one he hadn't heard in weeks. "I wasn't the one who promised him anything. This whole burden of time is your fault."

Cassian proceeded forward to sit against one of the boulders. "You know he worries."

Out of habit, because she was used to changing in his presence and used to him not looking, Jyn's hands went to the clasp of her pants without warning, but this time he had enough prior notice to avert his eyes on time.

He only looked back when he heard the water bounce, in gentle, chopping waves. Jyn had tied her hair tighter back, but a few tendrils stuck to her neck as she stayed floating in the shallow bit of water, drawing circles with her arms. 

"It's nice," she closed her eyes, and he picked up a pleased hum. "Wow. It's really nice, Cassian."

There was such a lot of bliss and indulgence in the way she said his name that he had to swallow thickly and force his suddenly frantic heartbeat down. "Makes up for the week you went without a shower?"

Jyn opened her eyes to glower at him. "I said it had been a long time, but even I'm not that bad."

"I recall a solid week, Jyn. On Megthinese. It didn't seem to bother you at the time."

She puffed her cheeks. "We had a lot of work to do. Also, if you can't recall, the water was chalky and the people there were the same colour. Kay advised against using it."

"Because you always listen to Kay," Cassian nodded in understanding. 

Jyn laughed, kicking back a little. She was still in the shallowest part of the pool. "And what about you?" she challenged. "I don't remember _you_ cleaning up during that mission, either."

"I didn't," admitted Cassian. "But I don't smell."

She mimicked an offended gasp, and he had two seconds to appreciate this reaction before she shot a jet of cold water into his face. 

" _Jyn._ "

"You smell of wet bantha-hide right now," shrugged Jyn, a grin threatening to break out on her lips. She swam closer, to where it was shallow enough to stand, enough of her upper body emerging from the water for him to notice an angry red bruise below her collarbone, peppered in heat rash, trailing into where her breastband started. He could...well, he could also make out all of her breastband; glistening droplets of water that ran downwards in a trail starting from her chin, down her bruise, disappearing into the standard-issue black piece and not emerging from the other end, where a thin strip of pale skin shone above the water. "I think you need this more than I do."

_Kriff,_ was that an invitation? 

If it was...accepting it would be the stupidest thing he's ever done. Jyn didn't know this...way he looked at her, and he wasn't entirely certain what it was, either, except that it was on a dangerous edge at the moment and she would indefinitely get to know if he kept staring, or if he joined her and kept staring at an even closer range. 

She was beautiful. Not because of the water, or the natural lighting, or the absurd amount of skin on display. Well, yes. He was seeing more of her than ever before, but he'd established a long time ago that Jyn Erso was quite attractive by most standards. 

Seeing her like this was...different. It didn't make her any less attractive, or any more, but...he was transfixed this time.

Her scars spoke of a life before Scarif, before him. A life he had much to learn more about. He already knew the story on her file- that her family had fled the Empire, that she'd lost her parents, that she had become a soldier for Saw Gerrera- but the scars spoke of stories beyond the main titles.

He wished to know all of them, all of her. He wished it was possible to want those things and actually get them.

Maybe he could. In this isolated moment, so far away from the rebellion and everything else. Jyn asked him a second time if he was joining or not, and he found himself following her instructions and shrugging out of his jacket first. 

He knew she was watching, out of the corner of an eye- but it was fair, after all, considering he'd also watched. He peeled off his shirt with full awareness of her gaze, and even if self-consciousness washed over him suddenly, this was an isolated moment, this was between him and Jyn. They would probably never talk of it again. But what a wasted chance if he stopped now. 

Jyn watched him out of the corner of her eye even when he maneuvered out of his trousers, when he was left with nothing but standard-issue military briefs and his own gallery of bodily scars. 

She let out a quiet gasp, and met his eyes when he sank into the water. Her eyes were wide with shock at what she'd seen. 

He smiled warily. "You didn't expect scars?"

Her shoulders trembled with laughter as she shook her head at him, but she drifted closer, wrapped her arms around his neck. Her breath was hot against the shoulder of his that bore a slow-fading knife wound. 

He brought marred, calloused hands up to her back, tracing circles with his palms as she closed her eyes against the sensation. They were not smooth circles. They were cut and jagged everywhere. 

Her palms dragged slowly down the front of his chest, equally rough terrain brushing his skin. He pressed his forehead to hers. 

In this isolated moment, he wanted to tell Jyn Erso that he loved her, all of her, right down to the scars strewn like careless patchwork into her skin, scars that made her the fighter she was, and the woman he...loved. If that was it.

He'd tell her without words, if she let him. 

###### 

Kay stepped into the lobby as soon as the door opened for them, and if droids could shoot dirty looks, that's what he would've done as they walked in. 

"You took two hours and six minutes from your time of departure to get back," he remarked, unamused and unimpressed. "For a completely unnecessary perimeter check. Did you go beyond this area of forest cover? There is a 70% chance you did."

Cassian walked right past him into the cockpit. "Nice to see you too, Kay."

The droid whirred in that indignant manner of his. "What took you so long? Why are you carrying your jacket separately?" A pause as he looked back to where Jyn leaned against the bulkhead, arms crossed casually, and where Cassian was clearly doing a quick dashboard check. "And why is your hair wet?"

"Told you we'd dry up fast," Jyn called over to the cockpit, ignoring him. 

"Except for the hair," Cassian pointed out.

"Yeah, that." Jyn spared a glance at Kaytoo before biting down a grin and adding, "But not only that."

Cassian swore vocally, to her immediate amusement. 

Kay swivelled to face her this time. "You have not answered my questions. Do you plan on leaving those answers out of the mission report as well?"

"I don't know," Jyn hummed. "Do we, Captain?"

Cassian was in the lobby in two strides, and dragging her laughing self towards the back of the ship before she could drive him any further up the wall. She shot Kay a cheeky grin just before they disappeared from sight. 

The droid spent a second or two going through a list of possibilities explaining what had just happened, but when he couldn't come to a conclusion (a conclusion he liked, that is, because some of them were too unsavoury for him) he merely updated his memory bank on Jyn Erso- vague and unconvincing, add also ' _HIGHLY IRRITATING_ ' and ' _POSSIBLY UNPREDICTABLE_ '. 


End file.
